i don't deserve this Loilatul Qadar.I figured i've to live life the hard way now.i was never a keen Muslim.I don't do what Muslim have to do everytime.not like totally,but task such like praying.i need to make the effort for Allah 1st if i ever want his care & pamper.so much obstacle,so much problems.i have to face it.ya all might think im alright,im ok.but im not.im struggling to make moves and decisions in life.this is a state where i have to come to a decision to leave what i love or not.if not,im gonna kill myself trying to juggle doin the important things which makes me and others happy and the things i love.i need a push,i need a support.i need my courage.i need to be the man i am.it is important i be that now,cause things don't always go as we plan..
i laugh when some people are selfish,thinking they have their own problems.whereas they havent see my problems is just as big as them or maybe even bigger.i don't need all the royal treatment like they indirectly saying they 'want' one,not 'need' one..even with this problems i have in hand,i still try my best to give my best to friends and family.
im sorry mother im not a sensitive person to have really comfort you when you kept crying infront of me.but i let you a listening ear,and i listen.i just pray our fate will be save by Allah.i hope his test for us will end soon.i hope the Hikmah ends soon.i know its driving you crazy ibu.im trying my best to lead you all.i just need you to know that i am thinking about you everytime.just because im not like any other sons who hugged their mother when they're sad.but i listen,i let you speak off your hate n burden caused by the Satan's doing.I want you to be strong let you feel the pain.so end of the days you have a stronger heart.i know what the person doing to you is cruel.but i need you to be strong when im not around.im hoping someone out there will be able to save me,my mum and family from this situation.I cant do much to save my family.i can just speak out and be there for every single one..i need to stabilise myself before i can firm our family walls.
i am thankful to all that appeared in my life.espeacially the ladies that use to be my lover.who they come and go.be it short while or long.the people ive met,that mould me to what i am now.make me feel and experience pain & bitter.im thankful.though theyre good or bad to me.cause without all this experiences,i'll break down right now.i can't even face the problem i have in my family right now.im so used to feeling pain,that i don't cry no more.im glad i didnt cry infront of my mum.i showed her i can be strong for her.so friends,ex-lovers,thanks you..
dancing is one of many ways im able to earn money.thats why i have to be on top everytime.i feel the need to be.so i can win that money.everything is for a good cause..i refuse to be selfish n i shall stick to my responsibilty as a big brother,the 2nd man of the family and to make my family proud of me.
nobody really know how i felt,and there's no use i hope for a shoulder to cry on.who knows they're not even really bothered to what im going through.i rather be cold then warmth..my tears are all dried up,freezed till theyre never able to come cry out of my eyes.this is who i am,get that in your head.take me for who i am.don't expect me to be sensitive to ladies anymore things like such as that for an example.cause i CAN'T.because i think you mistake me for some other man..
(this paragraph is for a few number of slaves of Allah who they claim to be.if you know who you are,find your faults in here.cause im randomly stating it.its time you learn to FEEL your wrongdoing for a change)you both,i feel disgusted so so much..knowing of you guys age.you should behave maturely by now.you have so much problems,yet you're behaving like you dont have one now.you just can't be bothered can't you.actual fact you and me,we have a problem almost so similar.you just make feel so 'ugh'!look at yourself!da berumur!so at an age already..you don't know how to settle down isit?the least make your movements right..set a good example to your younger friends and siblings will you.
i laugh when some people are selfish,thinking they have their own problems.whereas they havent see my problems is just as big as them or maybe even bigger.i don't need all the royal treatment like they indirectly saying they 'want' one,not 'need' one..even with this problems i have in hand,i still try my best to give my best to friends and family.
im sorry mother im not a sensitive person to have really comfort you when you kept crying infront of me.but i let you a listening ear,and i listen.i just pray our fate will be save by Allah.i hope his test for us will end soon.i hope the Hikmah ends soon.i know its driving you crazy ibu.im trying my best to lead you all.i just need you to know that i am thinking about you everytime.just because im not like any other sons who hugged their mother when they're sad.but i listen,i let you speak off your hate n burden caused by the Satan's doing.I want you to be strong let you feel the pain.so end of the days you have a stronger heart.i know what the person doing to you is cruel.but i need you to be strong when im not around.im hoping someone out there will be able to save me,my mum and family from this situation.I cant do much to save my family.i can just speak out and be there for every single one..i need to stabilise myself before i can firm our family walls.
i am thankful to all that appeared in my life.espeacially the ladies that use to be my lover.who they come and go.be it short while or long.the people ive met,that mould me to what i am now.make me feel and experience pain & bitter.im thankful.though theyre good or bad to me.cause without all this experiences,i'll break down right now.i can't even face the problem i have in my family right now.im so used to feeling pain,that i don't cry no more.im glad i didnt cry infront of my mum.i showed her i can be strong for her.so friends,ex-lovers,thanks you..
dancing is one of many ways im able to earn money.thats why i have to be on top everytime.i feel the need to be.so i can win that money.everything is for a good cause..i refuse to be selfish n i shall stick to my responsibilty as a big brother,the 2nd man of the family and to make my family proud of me.
nobody really know how i felt,and there's no use i hope for a shoulder to cry on.who knows they're not even really bothered to what im going through.i rather be cold then warmth..my tears are all dried up,freezed till theyre never able to come cry out of my eyes.this is who i am,get that in your head.take me for who i am.don't expect me to be sensitive to ladies anymore things like such as that for an example.cause i CAN'T.because i think you mistake me for some other man..
(this paragraph is for a few number of slaves of Allah who they claim to be.if you know who you are,find your faults in here.cause im randomly stating it.its time you learn to FEEL your wrongdoing for a change)you both,i feel disgusted so so much..knowing of you guys age.you should behave maturely by now.you have so much problems,yet you're behaving like you dont have one now.you just can't be bothered can't you.actual fact you and me,we have a problem almost so similar.you just make feel so 'ugh'!look at yourself!da berumur!so at an age already..you don't know how to settle down isit?the least make your movements right..set a good example to your younger friends and siblings will you.
to those who have a good life now.treasure them.take good care of them.you are the lucky ones that Allah has chosen.who dont have to go through all this big matters.those who feels they are getting one one now.change,start doing good.pray hard it won't come to you.be happy and keep laughing while you still can.cause the wind's just bout to change for you.this is what comes for you.Whatever the big man gives you.we cant reject it.face it with the iman we have..
take care, Assalamualaikum...
